


you remind me (oh you bring me back)

by minuteparticulars



Category: Teenage Bounty Hunters (TV)
Genre: Ski Trip Fic, a lot of fluff, april being a useless lesbian, match-making hijinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:15:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28969692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minuteparticulars/pseuds/minuteparticulars
Summary: "It’s 9:22 am and April Stevens is late. She was supposed to leave nearly ten minutes ago to get to school on time to catch the bus for the annual Senior Ski Trip. Instead, she’s staring at her suitcase trying to decide if she should pack the baby-blue sweater with the cute neckline or not and it’s all Sterling Wesley’s fault.Somehow it’s always Sterling Wesley’s fault."
Relationships: April Stevens/Sterling Wesley
Comments: 11
Kudos: 147





	you remind me (oh you bring me back)

**Author's Note:**

> Did I write an entire one-shot just so I could recreate the hot tub scene from "To All the Boys I've Loved" with Sterling and April? Absolutely. I just couldn't stop thinking about how Willingham seems like the type of school to have a super fancy ski trip every year and that turned into 13,000+ words about April and Sterling finding their way back to each other. 
> 
> Title from "Burning" by Maggie Rogers in honor of Devon Hales.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

It’s 9:22 am and April Stevens is late. She was supposed to leave nearly ten minutes ago to get to school on time to catch the bus for the annual Senior Ski Trip. Instead, she’s staring at her suitcase trying to decide if she should pack the baby-blue sweater with the cute neckline or not and it’s all Sterling Wesley’s fault.

Somehow it’s always Sterling Wesley’s fault.

\---

After their brief, but intense, foray into high school romance, April decided to keep her distance from Sterling. There was simply no way she would be able to spend time with Sterling and not think about what could have been between them. It would be better for everyone if she steered clear of that temptation all together.

Avoiding the Wesley twins turned out to be far easier than she had anticipated seeing as neither sister showed their face at school the Monday after the lock-in. The Wesleys hadn’t been at church on Sunday either. When Blair finally showed up to school – alone – the following week, the rumor mill had already been churning away. That is until one of the girls on the lacrosse team brought up one of the more salacious rumors at practice and left early with a broken nose. After that, most of their classmates kept their thoughts to themselves and gave the Wesley twin a wide berth in the halls.

Then the real story broke and all hell with it. When Sterling finally did return she was greeted with pitying glances and whispers that trailed behind her in the halls. Blair refused to leave Sterling’s side and the daggers she sent April any time they had the misfortune of being in the same space sent a clear message. Even if April had wanted to reach out at that point, her concern clearly wasn’t welcome.

Eventually things settled down and April became incredibly adept at anticipating where the twins would be next. She started partnering up with Ezequiel and Hannah B. again in class. She switched seats with Franklin in Spanish after promising to proof-read all of his assignments for the rest of the year. She stopped eating lunch in the courtyard.

Things started to feel almost normal again.

Everything fell apart again only two weeks later when she found herself outside her father’s study listening to him talk about Sterling and trying not to hyperventilate. She heard words like bounty and payback and the pieces had started to fall into place. All of the times Sterling had asked about her dad. The way she was so cagey about her after-school job. How quickly she shut down at the lock-in when she found out he was back.

April’s not proud of it now, the way she reacted to the news. Standing on the Wesley’s front porch spitting scathing remarks and biting words about the hypocrisy of it all as Sterling stood there and took it without a word. Driving home that day she couldn’t shake the haunted look on Sterling’s face as April ripped their relationship apart. Like it was all a ruse. Like it hadn’t meant a thing.

And how could it have. Sterling had pleaded with her – sat on that bench and begged her – to be honest with the world when she didn’t even have the decency to be honest with April.

School had been challenging after that to say the least. The campus wasn’t that big and there were only so many places to hide. Inevitably she would run into them. Fortunately, the twins had been equally as interested in avoiding any more conflict and the rest of their Junior year passed without incident, both parties locked in an uneasy truce. Their own Cold War – both sides aware of the mutually assured destruction awaiting them if they disturbed the peace.

The reprieve at school couldn’t have been further from her circumstances at home. Her father had taken to drinking in the evenings and her mother started spending less and less time at home. Family dinners became a thing of the past. Gone were the movie nights and trips to the lake house replaced by hushed arguments behind closed doors and broken glass in the trash can the following morning. 

It all came to a head just before the end of the school year. She stumbled across a bookmark for divorce attorneys in the greater Atlanta area on her mom’s laptop one night while sorting through old family photos for a project and braced herself for impact. 

Of course the students at Willingham latched onto the news immediately, hungry for a new scandal. Once word got out that Lorna’s mom who works at the County clerk’s office saw April’s mom filing divorce papers she was suddenly the new pariah. Holding her head high, she ignored the whispers, expecting nothing less from a student body so eager to tear down the very people they put on a pedestal.

What she hadn’t expected was a text from Blair Wesley of all people a week after the news broke. The message was all about second chances and redemption which made little sense until she opened the video attached. She would never confirm that she spent all of fourth period that day crying in the girl’s bathroom over the text, but nevertheless, in a single second her life had once again been turned upside down by a Wesley. 

Her mom sent the video of her father to her lawyer that very night and less than a week later the papers were signed. 

She never actually talked to Sterling about it, but when she cornered Blair at Yogurtopia the next day to find out why she sent it the twin had merely glanced behind her towards the back room where Sterling’s laugh could be heard over the sound of the radio and told her she already knew the answer.

Things didn’t go back to normal after that.

She spent the summer between Junior and Senior year helping her mom navigate the uncharted waters of post-divorce life and volunteering at the local public library. It was nice. Calm. Hardly anyone ever came in and she spent most of her time reading in the stacks when she was supposed to be re-shelving the returns and avoiding C.S. Lewis entirely.

It was mid-June when she saw her again for the first time. The library hosted Reading Corner every Wednesday and their regular reader called out with car trouble. Enter Sterling Wesley with her stupid pigtails and rosy cheeks five minutes late and out of breath, gasping something about being the volunteer replacement.

Of course the kids adored her because April just couldn’t catch a break.

Their regular reader never did come back and April spent the rest of her summer trying not to stare at the back corner every Wednesday. She can admit now that she failed miserably. Sterling was _really_ good. Captivating and so full of life. April couldn’t help but laugh along with the kids when Sterling attempted a truly abysmal accent or made some silly hand gesture. She couldn’t stop herself from watching the other girls lips as Sterling pulled word after word from the page. On those nights, April found herself thinking about all of the other things those lips were good for and wondering when, if ever, this attraction would end.

She noticed after a few weeks that she wasn’t the only one staring though. Sterling’s eyes followed her when she wasn’t reading or distracted by toddlers asking to sit on Miss Sterling’s lap. It took nearly four weeks before she actually approached April.

It started with a stuttered apology followed by a long conversation over coffee at the café next door. They wound up talking about some of the trauma they had both endured over the last year – the trauma they had both overcome – and April drove home that evening with the image of Sterling Wesley beaming at her from across the table playing on a loop in her mind.

She stopped pretending Wednesday wasn’t her favorite day of the week and Sterling started hanging around after the kids left under the pretense of cleaning up.

It all started to feel a lot like forgiveness.

Despite their long evenings at the library together, they never talked about their relationship. There were times she swore Sterling wanted to though. She caught her staring on more than one occasion and the look was too reminiscent of the seconds just before their first kiss to be misconstrued. It was soft and warm and _unnerving_. It was also absurd how badly April wanted to know what the other girl was thinking in those moments, but she never asked.

If she went home after her shift on those days and imagined Sterling’s hands on her instead of the pages of a book as she relieved some of the tension that always seems to build around Sterling, well, that was her business.

The nights were muggy and the days scorching hot, but summer drew to a close all the same and took their precious time together with it. Then she was back at Willingham and as busy as ever. Privately, she thought there might be a chance things could be different than Junior year, but she hadn’t dared hope for more. What she got, though, was the full force of Sterling Wesley’s smile as she waited for April at her locker on their first day back. Sterling didn’t want them to go back to being enemies. She wanted this to last.

_This_ ended up being something awfully close to friendship. It started out simple. A quick good morning in passing. Saving each other a seat in Fellowship. After a week of this Ezequiel asked her point blank if she had been body-snatched. She made it clear that they had agreed to be more civil with each other this year and hoped he wouldn’t ask too many questions.

Later during lunch, Ezequiel suggested that there was nothing civil about the way she looked at Sterling from across the courtyard and it had been as easy as that. No explanation necessary. No judgment.

Once Ezequiel knew, April found herself breathing a bit easier at school. It still took her another month to work up the courage to tell Hannah B. when they were all hanging out at her house after school one night. It turned out she had nothing to worry about. Hannah B. just pulled her in for a hug, assuring her that she had known since sixth grade when April spent twenty minutes venting about Sterling winning most popular all while doodling hearts around her yearbook photo.

Ezequiel laughed so hard he fell off the bed and April spent the rest of the night mortified at her past self.

Not that present day April was any better. Now that she knew all about the twins secret, it was impossible not to notice the effect it had on Sterling. She noticed it in the way Sterling carried herself in the halls. She noticed it in Forensics when Sterling refused to back down on the cross even going so far as to wink at April when she noticed her watching. April noticed it during gym class when she was supposed to be running laps and instead spent the entire period drooling over toned arms as Sterling and Blair competed to see who could do more push-ups on the side of the track.

So maybe present day April still had a tiny crush on Sterling Wesley.

Still, she was pretty proud of herself for how well she managed to keep it under wraps until Sterling showed up to Fellowship one day with a new haircut that highlighted her jawline and Ezequiel had to remind her that it wasn’t polite to stare. After that, it was a struggle just to make sure Sterling didn’t notice. Lord help her if that happened.

Fall turned to winter and their fragile friendship changed with the seasons into something less tenuous. Ezequiel and Hannah B. took every opportunity possible to suggest that she try to rekindle what they had – Ezequiel couldn’t handle the sexual tension any longer and Hannah B. just claimed to be a hopeless romantic – but April didn’t know if she had the heart for it.

Her resolve lasted halfway through winter break before she nearly talked herself into buying Sterling a gift and called her friends in defeat.

\---

That was three weeks ago and she’s no closer to a solution than she was back then. Which brings her to her current predicament on this brisk January morning almost certainly late for the bus and trying to remember if Sterling likes this particular color blue on her. Her phone buzzes from under a pile of discarded clothes and she pulls it out to find two texts from Ezequiel in the group chat and a missed call.

_Girl, where are you??_

_I know you’re not about to miss this bus…_

Shoot. She is _so_ late.

Throwing the sweater in her bag, April races out the door making sure to remind her mom to feed Sgt. Bilko as she goes. She lives close enough to the school that she only has to violate a few traffic laws to get there just as the last student climbs on the bus.

She texts the group chat back to save her a seat before she goes to check in with Ellen. April can tell something is up the second she reaches the top step and sees her friends sitting in the back together looking like cats that just ate the canary. A quick scan reveals that the only remaining seat available is the one directly to her left. The same bench seat also occupied by one Sterling Wesley who is currently scooting over with a sheepish grin. Sterling’s blue eyes flash with something like amusement as April spins around to glare at her former best friends before dropping into the open seat.

“So… Bus buddies, huh?” Sterling asks with a quick nudge to her shoulder. April smiles despite herself and Sterling settles in seemingly pleased with the response. As Ellen explains the ground rules, April whips out her phone.

_Did I, or did I not, ask you both to save me a seat?_

Her phone lights up seconds later as Ezequiel responds, _You never specified which seat._

Hannah B. helpfully chimes in, _We made sure that one was open just for you!_

Ezequiel gets one last dig in as the bus pulls out of the parking lot, _You’re welcome, darling_. _Just remember, what happens on the bus does NOT stay on the bus. We expect details._

April nearly chokes as Ezequiel’s last texts come through, waving Sterling off as she shoots April a concerned look. She shifts over a bit, desperately trying to ignore the heat coming from the girl next to her, but it’s been so long since they were this close and it’s a little overwhelming. Sterling smells like fresh gardenias and their thighs are pressed together on the seat and April feels like she’s going to combust.

It’s going to be a long bus ride.

\---

Nearly four torturous hours later, April is all too eager to get off this bus. It was bad enough being pressed up against her ex- _something_ for that long, but when you add in her friends’ constant teasing over text and the way Sterling’s hand rested on the seat between them, it became nearly unbearable.

Sterling wasn’t making it easy on her either. April was resolved to spend the entire trip with her headphones in ignoring the girl next to her, but Sterling clearly had other plans. They were barely out of the parking lot before Sterling was leaning towards her offering up one headphone. It felt rude to say no, but listening to music with Sterling like this reminded her too much of the time they spent putting together the lock-in playlist. She spent the entire ride uncomfortably tense and hyper-aware of every unintentional point of contact between the two of them until they arrived at the hotel.

April breathes a sigh of relief as she takes her luggage from the pile and makes her way towards the hotel. She finds Ellen handing out room keys as she ushers students down the hall with a reminder to meet in the lobby for dinner.

April turns the corner only to stop short at the sight of a familiar blonde swiping into room 132. April takes a fortifying breath as she looks down at the number on her own key willing it to say something different this time as she approaches the room right next door. Her luggage rumbles across the floor alerting Sterling to her presence whose answering grin sends a rush of warmth through April.

“Hey neighbor!” Sterling pipes up, making no attempt to open her door as her fingers uncurl from around the handle.

Despite the last four hours, Sterling’s enthusiasm is enough to bring a smile to her lips. “Hey, yourself,” she replies, her own room key hanging at her side. She catches the way Sterling’s eyes follow the flick of her fingers as she twists the key between them. A nervous tic at having Sterling’s undivided attention.

“I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other this trip,” April suggests.

Sterling leans up against the door turning to face April head on, “I just hope you don’t get sick of me.”

“I could never—”

April isn’t sure if she should curse Blair or thank her for interrupting whatever she was about to say next when the other twin comes barreling down the hall at that exact moment, suitcase in hand, talking a mile a minute.

“Dude, they have complimentary hot chocolate here. _And_ mini-marshmallows. This is going to be the best trip ever!”

Blair pulls up short as she takes in the scene before her. April fastidiously avoids all eye contact with either twin, studying her room key as if it holds the secret to the universe. The tips of her ears burn as Blair steps between them to take the room key from her sister.

“You’re next to us?” She groans, pushing past through a now open door, “I stand corrected then.”

Sterling follows, but not before shooting one last apologetic look her way. April stares at their closed door for a second listening to the muffled sounds of the Wesley sisters on the other side before she finally opens her own door.

The room itself is cozy. Two double beds fill most of the space, but there’s a working fireplace and a set of double doors that lead outside. Her momentary peace and quiet doesn’t last long as Hannah B. bounds through the door a few minutes later already excited about the bonfire planned for later tonight. April is only half-listening to her friend as she unpacks, her thoughts still occupied by the girl currently one room away, when she hears Sterling’s name.

“What about Sterling?” She does her best to keep her tone even as she asks though the smug look on Hannah B.’s face suggests she’s done a poor job of it. “I just think a bonfire in the snow is super romantic, don’t you?”

“I suppose,” April eyes her friend who’s turned away from her to inspect the bathroom, “But what does that have to do with Sterling?”

“Oh, did I mention Sterling?” Hannah B’s voice is just an octave too high to be normal, but she’s too busy rushing over to pull open the double doors to see April’s glare, “Look, there’s a hot tub!”

April shakes her head at her friend. She knows Hannah B. and Ezequiel mean well, but she’s already nervous. She doesn’t need the two of them pushing her into Sterling’s arms every chance they get. Even if they are really nice arms. She snaps herself out of that line of thought quickly and manages to finish unpacking before Hannah B. returns. If April’s face is a little more flushed than when she left, Hannah B. is nice enough not to mention it.

\---

Sitting across from Sterling later that night, the fire casting a warm glow across her face, April begrudgingly admits that Hannah B. may have a point. She watches Sterling egg Blair on as she tries to stuff a fifth marshmallow in her mouth. A flicker of jealousy flashes through her as Luke places a hand on Sterling’s thigh, leaning over to hand Blair another one, but it’s gone as quickly as it appears when she realizes Sterling is looking back at her.

She waves April over and April only hesitates long enough to check that Hannah B. and Ezequiel won’t mind. They’re currently engaged in an intense argument about the properties of the perfect s’more so she winds her way around the fire taking a seat on the bench next to Sterling.

“Something is not right with that girl,” April nods over to Blair who is currently challenging Franklin to beat her record.

“I would say that I got all of the common sense in the womb, but…” Sterling trails off and April can’t resist grabbing for her hand as the corners of her mouth turn down.

She squeezes until Sterling looks back up at her, “Please, I’ve seen enough of the two of you together to know that neither of you came away with any sense at all.” Her words are teasing, but she hopes Sterling can hear how sincere she is when she lumps the two of them together. As far as she’s concerned, nothing that they learned the night of the lock-in changes anything. Sterling and Blair are a package deal and she’ll happily remind Sterling of that as often as she needs.

Shadows dance across Sterling’s face as the fire flares up, but when they clear she’s smiling at April again. That destructively soft smile that makes April melt. She blames the rising redness in her cheeks on the heat from the now roaring fire behind her as she drops Sterling’s hand, reaching for a stick to give her something to do.

“So I’ve never actually roasted a marshmallow before,” April remarks turning their conversation towards a lighter topic.

“What!” Sterling gasps. She jumps up to grab something from the table behind them returning a moment later with two marshmallows and a stick of her own.

“Watch and learn.”

April tries not to be enamored by the fierce concentration on Sterling’s face, her tongue peeking out from between her teeth as she adjusts the angle of her stick. A minute or two passes before Sterling declares that it’s done. April is too busy staring at the way the firelight accentuates the curve of her cheekbones to notice what Sterling is up to until it’s too late. The next thing she knows, Sterling is right in front of her holding the marshmallow out for her to take. April takes it gingerly off the stick and tries to pop it in her mouth though most of it sticks to her fingers. It’s not exactly an enjoyable experience, but the way Sterling’s eyes lock onto her lips as she licks her fingers clean is pleasant enough.

The heat she’s feeling now has nothing to do with the fire and she feels herself leaning in towards the source when the spell is broken by a shout from the far side of the circle.

“Sterling get over here, I need a witness for when I beat Franklin!”

Sterling rips her gaze away to glance over at her sister, giving April enough time to put a more respectable amount of distance between them before she turns back.

“Duty calls,” Sterling shrugs like only someone used to these kind of antics can do, her hand reaching out to wrap around April’s wrist in apology, before she hurries over to sister’s aid.

April walks back to her original spot in a daze. Sticky sweetness lingers on her tongue and her wrist burns from Sterling’s fingers. She shudders as she recalls how dark Sterling’s eyes were as she watched her. April doesn’t even realize she’s being scrutinized until something pokes her in the side. She swats the stick away and busies herself with preparing another marshmallow of her own as Ezequiel and Hannah B. laugh at the blush spreading wildly across her face.

She stifles her own grin as she settles in for the rest of the night next to her friends. Sterling’s laugh floats across the clearing and she can’t help but think that Blair may be right after all. This just might be the best trip ever.

April doesn’t see Sterling for most of the following day. She keeps an eye out while they’re on the slopes, but Hannah B. prefers the easier trails and April knows the Wesleys are avid skiers so she can only assume they’re higher up the mountain.

Nevertheless, she’s having a good time and her muscles pull with the satisfying ache that follows a good work out when they finish for the evening. They meet up with Ezequiel who refused to go out with them earlier, dismissing their skis – or as he called them “deathtraps” – with a sneer, in the lounge exactly where they left him. April sheds a few of her outer layers and gratefully accepts a cup of hot chocolate from her friend letting it warm her frost-bitten fingers. She’s content to sip her drink and listen to Hannah B. chatter about how perfect this powdery snow would be for packing, but it’s not long before the conversation takes a turn.

“So, you and Sterling looked pretty cozy last night…” Ezequiel drawls covering what she can only imagine is an infuriating smirk behind his cup.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re implying,” April stares back over her own steaming cup unwilling to give him the satisfaction of seeing her squirm, “We were roasting marshmallows like everybody else and she offered to teach me. It’s not like either of you offered.”

“Oh, I’m sure you would much rather have Sterling teach you.”

The way he draws her name out sets April on edge, a desperate urge to correct him taking hold before she remembers she doesn’t have to hide with them. Not anymore. Instead she takes a sip buying herself some time to think of an appropriate response, but Hannah B. beats her to the punch.

“Leave her alone, Ezequiel,” April looks over relieved to have one friend on her side only for said relief to turn into shock as Hannah B. continues, “She’s obviously just disappointed we didn’t see Sterling today.”

“What— I’m not—,” She sputters over her words unable to think of a single excuse as her friends share a knowing look. “Fine,” she picks at the styrofoam in her hand, “So I looked for her once or twice.”

The same look passes between her friends a second time and she drops her head back against the seat with a groan, “Why did I ever tell you guys about me and Sterling!”

Ezequiel and Hannah B. scoot closer bracketing her in as Ezequiel responds, “Because we’re your friends. And frankly dear,” he gestures to the three of them now squeezed together on the couch, “You need us.”

“Yeah!” Hannah B. pipes up, “We can totally help you get Sterling back.”

April glances around in case any other Willingham students have made it back to the lounge, happy to note that they’re the only ones so far. “I don’t know. Things are…” she thinks about the easy way Sterling smiles at her now, “ _good_ between us. I don’t want to mess that up.”

“I get that,” Ezequiel concedes, “but what if things could be better than good?”

Hannah B. takes the now shredded cup from April’s hands, “Do you remember what we talked about over winter break?”

She does. She remembers her friends listening patiently as she went on and on about all of the reasons why she should forget about Sterling Wesley and her flawless hair and her charming smile and her unfailing kindness until they couldn’t take it anymore. She remembers debunking all of their perfectly valid reasons for why she should get back together with Sterling until she ran out of arguments.

April hates how small her voice sounds when she answers, “I am trying. It’s just every time I see her I feel like I freeze.”

“Don’t worry,” Ezequiel retorts, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, “We have a few ideas.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Shush. Just sit back.” He pulls on her shoulder until April’s resting against the seat again, “Let your brilliant and, dare I say it, gorgeous best friends help you out.”

She looks between the two of them before rolling her eyes in defeat. “I guess it would be nice to have help with all of this.”

Hannah B. cheers and Ezequiel’s smirk softens as the three of them huddle on the couch together and watch the rest of Willingham’s Senior class trickle in for the evening. April wonders if this is what it could have been like all along if she had been brave enough to come out sooner, but as Sterling walks in – cheeks rosy from the cold and the edges of her hair damp from the snow – smiling at the sight of the three of them in a pile on the couch she doesn’t regret any of it.

April has every intention of changing into sweatpants and curling up in her room with a murder mystery for the night when she hears someone knocking on their door. She sticks her head out of the bathroom conscious of the toothbrush hanging from her mouth as Hannah B. answers the door. There’s some hushed conversation and then the unmistakable sound of Blair Wesley. When she sticks her head out a second time – toothbrush free this time – she’s surprised to see Blair sitting on her bed in conversation with Hannah B. while Sterling hovers by the door clearly uneasy about being in their room. Blair perks up when she spots April.

“Just hear me out.”

“Nothing good can come from that,” April tears her gaze away from Sterling to address her twin.

“Remove the stick for several seconds Stevens and I promise you’ll thank me later.”

“Maybe don’t antagonize her, Blair. We did just barge into her room,” Sterling at least has the decency to look sorry for the intrusion while Blair sputters at her sister’s response for a second before pushing on.

“Forgive me for thinking Stevens might actually let loose a little when we’re not on school grounds.”

“And forgive _me_ for not trusting whatever hair-brained scheme you’ve come up with.”

“Uh, guys,” Hannah B. ventures, “What exactly are you arguing about?”

April opens her mouth to respond and promptly closes it when she realizes she doesn’t actually know. That and Sterling is still looking at her with an all too distracting pout to her lower lip that makes April think twice about hearing Blair out.

“An excellent question, Hannah B.,” Blair continues unfazed, “I am merely trying to make the most of our Senior trip. Embrace the lack of supervision. Live on the edge.”

“We’re going dancing!” April startles at Sterling’s outburst as the other twin steps further into the room joining Blair on the bed. “We met a couple of college guys while we were skiing who told us about a place that doesn’t card and they asked if we wanted to join them tonight. It sounded like fun and we thought—” Blair clears her throat, “Fine. _I_ thought it would be fun if you joined us.”

April feels a white-hot streak of something shoot through her at the thought of some frat bro chatting Sterling up that is quickly replaced by a different heat when she processes what Sterling just said. Sterling wants to go dancing with her. Sure, it would mean sneaking out to visit some seedy bar that apparently takes no issue with underage drinking, but she would be doing it with Sterling. 

Blair doesn’t hesitate to jump in at April’s silence, “Look if you’re not going to come can you at least—”.

“We’ll come,” April interjects, satisfied by the matching looks of surprise on the twins faces. “Won’t we, Hannah B?” She’s not sure what she enjoys more, making Sterling happy or proving Blair wrong.

“Can Ezequiel come too?” Hannah B. asks already typing out a message on her phone.

Blair gives in without much resistance and soon after the Wesley’ exit their room with a reminder to meet down in the lobby shortly. While Hannah B. fills Ezequiel in on their change in plans for the evening, April sorts through her clothes.

She needs something cute enough to attract a certain someone’s attention without being too obvious. Her hand stops on the impulse sweater. The baby-blue fabric is soft between her fingertips and she tries to imagine what tonight might look like. Her and Sterling pressed together on the dance floor. Sterling’s hands on her waist. Sterling’s eyes dark and hot on her – the way they were last night by the fire – as they travel the expanse of skin exposed. Sterling sliding her hands underneath, trailing up until—.

April sucks in a breath, cutting that thought off as it veers dangerously. She slams the drawer shut before she can change her mind and hurries back to the bathroom to change.

Half an hour later and April is standing in the corner of a dimly lit bar wondering why she ever listened to Blair Wesley. If the indiscernibly sticky surfaces and drunk college students weren’t enough to make her regret coming out tonight, the sight of Sterling dancing with a knock-off Abercrombie model certainly would be.

They look good together in a conventional sort of way. April would know since she hasn’t been able to look away all night. She’s still trying to understand the appeal. He’s tall, she’ll give him that. He’s got the whole blonde-hair, blue-eyes thing going for him too which she supposes is attractive enough. If you’re into that sort of thing, of course.

Sterling spins – hair catching the light as it flares out while her eyes flash across the room – and April chooses to ignore just how into that sort of thing she is in favor of getting another drink.

Just as she’s about to go find Hannah B. and Ezequiel ready to write tonight off as a complete failure, she feels someone sidle up next to her.

“Thanking me yet?” Blair asks, one hand wrapped around a nearly empty bottle. The other comes close to slapping April on the shoulder, but course corrects at the last second and ends up propped against the wall in an act of self-preservation. Whether it’s meant to save Blair from her wrath or an untimely meeting with the floor April’s not sure, but knowing Blair as well as she does she wouldn’t rule out either possibility.

“And what exactly should I be thanking you for?” April asks, gesturing to the scene before them. “The middle-aged DJ who clearly hasn’t updated his playlist since his High School Prom? The over-priced drinks? Or maybe it’s the chance to watch your sister fawn all over some Chad Michael Murray wannabe? Is that it?”

“God, you’re a fucking prick when you want to be.”

“Language.”

“Bite me.”

“You would be so lucky,” April waits for Blair to stop choking on her last sip before she continues, “How would you like it if you had to watch your ex with someone else?”

“I wouldn’t.”

April’s head whips around at the sound of Blair agreeing with her. Blair looks back and April remembers she’s not the only one who had their heart broken the night of the lock-in. She heard the name Miles enough when she was spending time with Sterling to know something was going on there. When he stopped showing up on the twins Instagram accounts – something she would never admit to following after her and Sterling broke up – she put two and two together.

April doesn’t know how to respond to that so she settles for drinking her water in silence. It only lasts a few seconds before Blair starts laughing. She tries not to acknowledge it, but Blair’s shoulder is shaking rather violently against hers and eventually her curiosity wins out.

“ _What_ is so funny?”

“It’s just— Chad Michael Murray? You really need to update your references.”

“What?” April fights off a blush as Blair’s laughter draws a few looks, “I really liked Freaky Friday when I was younger.”

“Uh huh…”

“Well, it’s not like I have a ton of knowledge when it comes to this kind of thing.”

“Taste?”

“Men,” April shoots back unimpressed, though Blair’s smirk seems satisfied enough for both of them.

“Right. You’re more into the Lindsey Lohan’s of the world.”

“Please, I do have better taste than that.” April chews on her bottom lip debating whether she should say any more, “The girl who played the lead singer though…”

Blair does slap her shoulder this time, “Alright, Stevens!”

A chuckle escapes before April can clap a hand over her mouth and she has to admit this isn’t the worst. So of course Blair has to go and ruin it.

“I guess you must have good taste since you’ve got the hots for my sister.” Blair scrunches her nose at that and April really shouldn’t be charmed by how much it reminds her of Sterling. “Still gross, by the way.” 

“Aww, and here I thought we were having a moment.”

“Us,” Blair swings her bottle between them, “Never. You know which Wesley you _could_ be having a moment with though?”

She can feel her walls shoot up faster than her head as she surveys the room for the Wesley in question. Just as she expected, little has changed in the last few minutes.

“She looks pretty happy as is to me.”

“I know I’ve said a few choice things about you over the years, but I’ve never called you an idiot before. Guess there’s a first time for everything.”

Blair puts her hands up at April’s glare. “Hey! I’m not the one moping in the corner instead of hanging out with the girl who _invited_ me here.”

She wants to believe Blair. It would be so easy to believe Blair. If only it were that easy for once.

“Look, you can pretend I never said anything and stay over here for the rest of the night, but we both know that’s not what you want.”

“How could you possibly know what I want?” It’s meant to be cutting. A biting retort at the very idea that Blair Wesley could know her. It ends up sounding far too sincere to be anything other than a genuine question. How could Blair possibly know what she wants when sometimes she’s not even sure?

“For starters, your friends are not subtle. Like, at all,” Blair gestures over April’s head towards the far wall where Ezequiel and Hannah B. are trying to get her attention just as the song changes. Ezequiel mouths _go get her_ while Hannah B. points frantically towards the middle of the group on the dance floor and April runs a hand down her face at the display. Blair chuckles next to her before turning to April again all laughter gone as she says, “But mostly, I see the way you look at her. It’s nauseating. It’s also kind of sweet and while it pains me to admit it, you two do make a lot of sense together. So don’t blow it, okay?” At April’s nonplussed look Blair takes a deep swig of her beer. “Just go over there and dance with my sister already before I finish my drink and start feeling a lot less charitable.”

April mulls Blair’s words over as she considers her next move. She’s somewhat embarrassed by the fact that her feelings are so apparent, but that was hardly the point of Blair’s speech. In fact, it didn’t sound like Blair was trying to criticize her at all. It’s hard for April to wrap her head around the idea that Blair of all people might support her relationship with Sterling, but the gentle shove Blair gives her after a few seconds towards the crowd makes her intentions obvious.

“This is what we call _blowing it_ Stevens.”

April’s feet carry her momentum forward. She catches a glimpse of Sterling with the same guy and the doubt creeps back in as she weaves through the crowd all moving to a beat she doesn’t know. She hears Blair’s voice in her head. Don’t blow it. Don’t blow it. Don’t—.

Sterling’s eyes meet hers over the guy’s shoulder and all of the voices, all the doubts, cease. Sterling looks so good. Hair half-up, half-down just the way April likes it. Her blouse flows around her as she moves and April takes a moment to appreciate the swing of her hips in tight jeans. Her palms start to sweat at the thought of gripping those hips.

“April!”

Sterling’s voice is a little too loud. A little too close. She’s ditched the college guy and now she’s very much in April’s personal space. With their new proximity April can tell Sterling’s eyes are slightly glassy and her cheeks look flushed from more than just the dancing. She can also smell Sterling’s shampoo and feel the heat she’s giving off standing so close. Her mind flashes back. Sterling leaning over her in the backseat of her car. Her hair falling down like a curtain around them. The heat from where they were pressed together nearly unbearable. That same heat curls in April’s stomach now as Sterling grabs onto her arm for support.

“I’m so glad you came tonight! I didn’t think you would say yes. I mean, oh my gosh, I wanted you to, but I wasn’t sure. Blair told me you would if I asked, but Blair also thinks that you would—”

April never does find out what else Blair thinks. Sterling foregoes the end of her sentence for an excited squeal as the song changes once again.

“Dance with me?”

It’s as simple as that. She’s spent the whole night torturing herself over this decision and Sterling just asks her. All April can do is nod as she takes the hand offered to her, letting herself be pulled deeper into the tangle of bodies on the packed dance floor.

She’s suddenly conscious of every part of her body. Sterling moves with ease. April on the other hand isn’t sure what to do with herself. Is she standing too close? Are her hips supposed to move like _that_? Why can’t she think of a single thing to do with her hands? Years of classical training mean nothing when faced with a hot girl and a low bass.

“Come here,” Sterling has to lean in to be heard over the music and April’s stomach swoops at the new angle.

Sterling takes April’s hands and puts them on her hips answering that question. She doesn’t back up at all and April swallows down the nerves that threaten to take over, praying that her hands aren’t as sweaty as they feel. Sterling feels as good as she looks and April doesn’t want anything to ruin this moment.

Maybe it’s the way Sterling’s eyes haven’t left her lips since she leaned in or maybe Blair’s pep talk was better than she thought. Whatever it is, April feels emboldened enough to pull on Sterling’s hips. Not a lot. Just enough pressure to pull them flush together. Still, there’s something immensely gratifying about the way Sterling’s breath hitches at the motion. The bass vibrates in her chest doing its best to slow her rapidly beating heart as Sterling tucks a strand of hair behind April’s ear. Sterling’s eyes still have that glassy sheen, but there’s something else there now too. Her traitorous heart beats faster.

“I like this.” Sterling trails a finger across the fabric covering her collarbone and April shivers. Sterling doesn’t stop there though. Her hand slides up until it wraps around the back of April’s neck. Sterling’s nails scrape deliciously against her scalp and April bites back a moan. They sway together through the chorus and April starts to relax for the first time since she left her corner. 

April rubs her thumbs across Sterling’s hip bones trying not to overthink this. She can’t help but ask though. “Is this okay?”

“Definitely. Better than okay, actually.”

“Better than your last dance partner?” April can’t keep the edge out of her voice when she asks and Sterling’s eyebrow quirks up in response.

“Oh, that guy? He was nice, I guess.” Sterling tilts her head as she leans back slightly, April’s hands flexing instinctively to keep her close, “Why? Were you jealous?”

“Of course not.”

“Mm-hmm.”

April ducks her head at the look Sterling gives her only for it to snap back up again a second later at Sterling’s words.

“He was a nice distraction, but we both know he’s not the one I want.”

“Sterling…”

“Too much?”

“No, I just— We’ve never talked about this and there’s a lot to—”.

Whatever April is about to say next is cut off as she’s pushed into Sterling from behind. Sterling’s arms wrap around her pulling her close to avoid further jostling and April indulges in the feeling briefly before she spins around to look for the culprit.

She comes face to face with an apologetic looking Hannah B. and an annoyingly smug Ezequiel who raises his eyebrows at the incriminating position she’s currently in – back pressed up against Sterling who still has an arm wrapped protectively around April’s waist.

“So sorry to interrupt, but if we don’t leave now we’ll be late for Ellen’s nightly check-in.” Ezequiel doesn’t look sorry in the least, but it doesn’t make him any less right. With a sigh she removes herself from Sterling’s hold. It makes her feel slightly better that the other girl seems just as unwilling to let go.

They track down Blair at the bar making out with one of the guys the twins met earlier. She gets one good look at April’s face – bright red from Ezequiel’s teasing – and bursts out laughing. April leaves them all there to go track down a ride home hoping the cold night air will cool down more than just her flaming cheeks.

After they’ve all made it back to the hotel – separate cars because April absolutely refused to be squished in the backseat with Sterling and her demon of a sister – April makes a dash for her room. April and Hannah B. get ready for bed in silence though she knows her friend has something to say judging by the way she glances over every few seconds.

It isn’t until they’re settled into their respective beds, lights out, with only the sound of the wind outside to cut through the silence that Hannah B. breaks.

“Did you have a good night?”

“It was…” April thinks about Sterling’s warmth encompassing her, “nice.”

“So it went well then? With Sterling?”

“I’m not sure. There’s a lot of history there and it’s not going to be fixed with one dance. It’s complicated.”

“I don’t know.” Hannah B. sighs and April imagines it floating up in the darkness, blanketing the ceiling above them like a cloud. “You looked pretty happy when you were with her. Doesn’t seem that complicated to me.”

April squeezes her eyes shut and imagines being swooped up in the cloud until she’s surrounded by a familiar warmth. She swears she can still smell Sterling’s shampoo as she burrows further under the covers and drifts off to sleep, Hannah B.’s words ringing in her ears.

\---

April wakes up the next morning feeling lighter than she has in a long time. She thinks about staying in bed a little longer than normal, but a knock at the door makes the decision for her. Hannah B. doesn’t stir at all so April pads over to the door. It’s probably just Ezequiel looking to figure out breakfast plans anyways.

When she opens the door she’s greeted by the sight of Sterling in a thick cable-knit sweater and jeans looking as if she’s been up for hours. Her smile is dazzling first thing in the morning and the desire to make it a common occurrence flares up. She takes a moment to adjust to the bright lights in the hallway – it has nothing to do with the sight of Sterling Wesley at her door – but once she does she notes that Sterling is flying solo this morning.

“Cute pajamas!”

April’s eyes go wide as she looks down at the pajama set her mom got her for Christmas. Not unlike the ones she wore to the lock-in only in a more festive plaid. Mortified, she starts to smooth out her hair hoping at least that looks presentable. When she looks back up she notices she’s not the only one blushing though. Sterling’s gaze lingers on her legs a second too long and April runs a foot up the back of her calf just to watch Sterling follow the motion.

She clears her throat bringing both of them back to the present. Her confidence grows alongside the blush high across Sterling’s cheeks until April spots something hanging in the doorway. It doesn’t take more than a quick look to recognize the bundle of green leaves and red berries hanging overhead.

If she was mortified before she doesn’t have a word for what she feels now. Sterling barks out a laugh once she sees what caught April’s attention and April barely resists the urge to shut the door in her face.

“It isn’t— I didn’t—” April hops up, snagging the offending plant with more force than necessary. “That wasn’t there last night.”

Something that sounds suspiciously like muffled laughter sounds from inside her room and April vows to have a word with her friend later. Christmas was weeks ago for god’s sake. Hoping to end this whole encounter as soon as possible, April tucks the mistletoe behind her back.

“Anyways, can I help you with something this morning?”

Sterling doesn’t respond right away seemingly lost in thought. April’s about to ask again when Sterling perks up, any trace of awkwardness gone.

“Right! I came by to see if you wanted to grab breakfast with me?”

“Just you or will Blair be joining us?”

“Just me. Blair wanted to sleep off what she described as ‘the worst hangover known to womankind’. Between you and me, Blair’s a bit of a lightweight.”

April feels a rush of affection when Sterling leans in to whisper that last part as if Blair can hear her through the wall. She doesn’t want to admit how nice this is, being in on the joke with Sterling again as opposed to being the butt of it.

“Your secret is safe with me,” April whispers back.

“So what do you say? You. Me. Breakfast?”

Sterling’s bouncing on her toes and she’s looking at April like she has the power to ruin her whole day with her answer when, in reality, April is powerless to do anything other than agree.

They make plans to meet in the lounge in a few minutes so April can change and she’s already swiping her keycard when she feels a tug on her upper arm. Spinning around, she barely has time to take in how close they are again before Sterling is leaning in.

For one startling – exhilarating – moment she thinks Sterling is going to kiss her. When she feels soft lips on her cheek instead she has to dismiss a flicker of disappointment. All too soon Sterling is pulling back, though her lips linger indecently close for a moment longer. Close enough that her words ghost across April’s cheek.

“Don’t want any bad luck, right?”

April’s eyes shoot open and Sterling makes her way back to her own door. She’s staring unabashed at April’s lips and April wonders just how many times she’s going to think about kissing Sterling in this hallway.

“See you in a bit?” Sterling asks, hesitant now that the moment has passed.

“Yes!” Taking a deep breath April tries again, “I mean, yes, I’ll be there in a few.”

April picks out a lightweight pullover and spends an extra minute making sure her mascara and lip gloss are perfect this morning before she heads out to meet Sterling. She does make sure to open the curtains before she leaves letting in all of the bright early-morning sunlight for her former best friend just in case she decided to go back to sleep after successfully embarrassing April.

Hannah B.’s answering groan doesn’t entirely make up for this morning, but it’s a start.

Breakfast itself at the hotel is nothing special, but watching Sterling wolf down a plate of pancakes while simultaneously attempt to tell her a story about Blair nearly wiping out yesterday makes it better.

“You’re staring.” Sterling wipes at the corner of her mouth with a napkin and April waves her off with a laugh.

“No, you’re fine. It’s just…,” She wonders how honest she should be here. The memory of Sterling’s lips on her cheek sparks something and she throws caution to the wind, “You’re just really pretty.”

For her bravery she’s rewarded with the rare sight of a speechless Sterling Wesley. April finishes her own yogurt parfait in satisfied silence waiting for Sterling to pick up where she left off with her story. After a while, the dining room starts to fill as guests trickle in and as much as April would love to spend the rest of her day right here she knows it can’t last.

“I suppose I should let you get back to Blair.”

“Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me?” Sterling’s fork clatters as it hits her plate. “On the slopes! If you wanted to go out on the slopes with me?”

April hides a laugh behind her napkin. Sterling’s eyes dart up catching it anyways as she looks up at April from under her eyelashes. April bites hard on her lip to stop from sighing at the sight. She refuses to be turned into some bumbling fool over a single look from Sterling. At least not before noon. 

“Are you sure you want to spend our last day here with me?”

“There’s no one else I would rather spend it with.”

Sterling really needs to stop saying things like that to her. At this rate, April’s not sure her heart can handle much more excitement today let alone a strenuous physical activity like skiing. 

April holds Sterling’s gaze as she responds, “Then it’s a date.”

Neither of them look away this time.

\---

If she didn’t know any better April would say that today _was_ a date. Sterling’s enthusiasm has been infectious and April can’t keep her eyes off of her. Sterling looks especially cute in her beanie and puffy jacket – cheeks red from the wind and the excitement of finally beating April to the bottom of the mountain – and it’s driving April a little crazy. 

She’s had to stop herself from pushing Sterling against the nearest tree so she can reacquaint herself with her lips on more than one occasion and she’s reaching her limit. Sterling has been nothing but the consummate friend all day and yet there were a couple of moments that felt like maybe this wasn’t so one-sided.

Small touches like a hand on April’s lower back as she climbs onto the ski lift. Little things like Sterling holding the door for her when they stop to grab lunch. Trivial details like the way Sterling knew to not put marshmallows in her hot chocolate. On their own they might not mean much to someone else, but April knows Sterling. She’s thoughtful and caring and charming on her worst days, but this is more than that. It doesn’t hurt that Blair has been conspicuously absent all day leaving the two of them to enjoy the day in their own little bubble.

It’s like getting a glimpse into a different life. One where she’s been dating Sterling this whole time. She doesn’t hate it. 

This whole day feels like it’s been building up to _something_ , she just doesn’t know what. She’s also far too afraid to ask, worried about ruining what has so far been a pretty perfect day, but now dinner is over and people are talking about heading back out to ski at night and she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

Blair and Sterling are huddled together on the couch whispering to each other and April gets caught watching when both Wesleys look up abruptly. April’s cheeks heat up much to her chagrin as Blair whispers something in Sterling’s ear that has her ducking away with a swat at the water bottle in Blair’s hand in retaliation. Blair’s cackle echoes in her ears as April wonders what could garner that reaction and _oh_ _gosh_ they’re still looking at her and Sterling’s biting her lip drawing April back to her earlier thoughts and—.

“You look a little tired, April,” Ezequiel cuts in with a wink, “Early morning and all. Maybe you should hang back?”

A strangled noise gets caught in her throat as she realizes how deep this morning’s betrayal goes. “Et tu, Ezequiel?”

“I think that’s a great idea!” Ezequiel says just loud enough to be heard across the lounge blowing right past her accusation. “With everyone else gone you’ll be able to have a nice, _private_ evening.” 

“What are you doing?” April hisses pulling him away from the group.

“Just making sure certain people know that you’ll be here – alone – tonight.”

“You know when I said that you and Hannah B. could help I didn’t mean—”.

Sterling’s voice carries across the room, shutting down whatever retort April had on the tip of her tongue.

“Actually, I think I’m going to stay behind.” She meets April’s eyes, “You guys have fun without me though.”

Well, then.

“You can thank me later,” Ezequiel whispers before taking Hannah B. by the elbow and escorting her out of the room, satisfied with their work.

April busies herself with clean-up as the rest of her classmates disperse to get ready until Ellen shoos her off with a reminder to go have some fun herself. She notices Ellen shoot a furtive glance towards Sterling who hasn’t moved from the couch and doesn’t stick around to hear anymore. The last thing she needs is another person meddling in her relationship, especially Ellen.

She can feel Sterling’s eyes on her as she turns down the hallway towards her room and soon after familiar footsteps follow. April waits until she’s at her own door before turning around just in time to catch Sterling slow to a walk.

It’s reminiscent of her own eagerness back when they were planning the lock-in and everything was so new. The way she chased after Sterling. The excitement she felt thrumming through her veins at the thought of being alone with Sterling again. The anticipation of not knowing what would happen next.

The déjà vu is startling. After all this time. After everything that’s happened. They’re still chasing after each other.

Only she’s not the same person she was back then. She’s learned a lot about herself in the past year – more than she could have ever imagined – and she’s grown. Considerably. They both have for that matter.

She’s ready to be caught.

While April grapples with that startling realization, Sterling reaches her own door. She leans against it watching April with a pensive look of her own. The silence is suddenly stifling, old feelings and new resolutions swirling together in April’s head making it impossible to form a coherent thought. Sterling smiling softly down at her, waiting patiently in a way she never would have before, is only making it harder.

She remembers the nervous almost frenetic energy that Sterling used to give off around her. The urgency. The way she kissed like she couldn’t wait to do it again. Together they were a wildfire – bright and hot and all-consuming – and April was constantly worried about getting burned. A fire like that just can’t last.

It doesn’t feel like that this time though. Months of careful conversation and barely bridled longing have built something new. No less intense than the last time April found herself in this position with Sterling. Just more controlled.

“I had a really good time today.”

April blinks up at Sterling still reeling from her trip down memory lane. “Me too.” It’s the truth. April can’t remember the last time she had so much fun. It’s that feeling that prompts her to keep going, “It doesn’t necessarily have to end.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was thinking about taking advantage of the hot tub while everyone else is out for the night,” April looks up from under her lashes thrilled to see Sterling’s eyes widen at the suggestion, “Care to join me?”

God, she’s nervous. Sterling’s just blinking down at her, lips parted in surprise, and April concentrates on the sting of her nails where they bite into her palm to keep from passing out. She knows how this sounds. She can see it on Sterling’s face. But they’ve been dancing around this _thing_ between them all day – all year – and she wants so much more.

She does suddenly have a new appreciation for Sterling’s courage all those months ago though.

“That sounds really nice,” Sterling breathes out and April rocks back on her heels in relief unaware that she had been leaning forward in the first place.

“Good.” April’s hand shakes as she slips the keycard in and she can’t tell if it’s from nerves or excitement at the prospect of sitting less than five feet away from Sterling in nothing but a swimsuit. “I’ll meet you out there then?”

Sterling doesn’t turn around at all as she backs into her own room nodding eagerly in response and April rolls her lips to hold back what she knows is an obviously smitten grin at the sight.

Sterling is already in the hot tub by the time April steps out of her room. Sterling’s head whips around at the sound of the doors clicking closed behind her and April shivers more from the way Sterling’s gaping at her than the cold. She’ll have to thank Hannah B. later for suggesting she bring her bikini instead of the one-piece she uses for gym class.

She’s gripped by a sudden wave of insecurity as she stands just outside the door, but it’s cold out and the steam from the hot tub looks inviting. Sterling actually stands up to offer her a hand as April reaches the edge in an endearingly chivalrous way and now it’s April’s turn to gape.

Sterling looks really good and April’s brain just kind of short-circuits. There’s _so_ much to look at. The flat plane of her stomach. The soft skin of her thighs visible just above the water. The muscles rippling along Sterling’s bicep as she helps April into the hot tub. 

April nearly steps back out into the snow just to cool down.

Ignoring the flush creeping up the back of her neck, April sits down opposite of Sterling putting a good distance between them. Her self-control can’t handle anything less right now. Sterling settles back down careful not to disturb the water before looking over at April. Her eyes dip down towards April’s chest only partially covered by the water before snapping back up and April would laugh at the slightly guilty look on Sterling’s face if she wasn’t so turned on.

She wants to tell Sterling to look. She wants her eyes and her hands and so much more on her right this second. It’s been so long – _god_ too long – since she’s been touched and she can still vividly recall the way Sterling feels. She crosses her legs under the water and tries to focus on the moment at hand instead.

“Did you ever think we would get here?” Sterling asks breaking through the haze.

“Here as in…” April waves a hand in front of her through the water sending ripples back across toward Sterling.

Sterling rolls her eyes, softened by the affectionate smile that breaks free, before clarifying, “No. I mean here as in the two of us. Friends.”

“Oh.”

“Unless you don’t—”

“I do,” April offers, “And to answer your first question, truthfully, I don’t know.” She hesitates to go on, Sterling’s choice of conversation throwing her. Only, Sterling looks like she’s hanging on April’s every word and she really doesn’t want to let her down this time. “I hoped we would though.”

Sterling’s answering grin is worth the risk.

“Me too,” Sterling looks down, hands restless under the water, “It’s silly. I mean I only really had you for a couple of weeks there, but it was harder this time. Losing you.”

“Sterling.”

“I don’t just mean because of, well…” Sterling falters to a stop glancing up at April before moving on, “Things were really crazy for a while there and all I wanted to do was to talk to you about it all. It drove Blair nuts,” Sterling shakes her head at the memory, “but I couldn’t help it. I missed you.”

They’ve never talked about this. Sure, they’ve talked about what happened to Sterling that night. They’ve even talked about John Stevens and all of the fallout he caused. But they’ve never talked about _them_. About how it felt to lose each other.

April’s chest aches at the thought of Sterling trying to cope with several world-shattering truths alone. Needing April to be there for her like she promised. _I got you_. That’s what she said. How she wishes she could go back and honor that now. She vows to make the most of Sterling’s trust this time around.

Stretching a leg out until her foot brushes up against Sterling’s calf – momentarily distracted by the soft skin she finds there – April encourages Sterling to look at her. “I missed you too.” She shrugs at Sterling’s surprised look. “I was so mad after you told me about the bounty hunting. I wanted to hate you for what you did. Not just for turning my dad in, but for giving me hope that—” she clears her throat as the tightness in her chest travels upwards, “That I could actually be happy. When hating you didn’t work I convinced myself that I could just forget about you. Obviously, that didn’t work out very well either.”

April’s words draw a strained laugh from Sterling as she ducks her head. Then Sterling’s foot slides up her leg in return and April nearly gasps.

“I don’t want you to forget me.”

It’s too much. Her heart is hammering away and April searches desperately for something to say. “How could I when you and your sister are _so_ loud.”

“Rude!” Sterling flicks some water at her in faux indignation and April laughs at the poorly concealed smile poking through. The conversation lulls and April’s content to sit here and take Sterling in, their legs still tangled together, when Sterling makes another startling declaration.

“I thought I was going to be too late this time.”

“What do you mean?”

“Coming back to you. We wasted so much time before and I didn’t want to go years without you again. We can both be so stubborn.” Sterling simply raises an eyebrow at her scoff, “I was worried it would be another five years before we found each other again which would have been so dumb. You’re way too important to me to let that happen. And I’m sorry if that’s a lot, but I thought you should know that even when I was, like, heartbroken I never gave up on us. I was just trying out this thing called patience,” Sterling twirls a strand of hair around her finger, tongue in cheek, as she continues, “It seems to be working out so far.”

To say that this is a lot is an understatement. Sterling in a bikini is a lot. Sterling in a bikini talking about how important April is to her is nearly inconceivable. Not to be outdone though, April gathers herself enough to reply. “It certainly hasn’t gone unnoticed.” She can’t help the flirtatious tone that creeps in, her eyes raking over Sterling who blushes so invitingly under the attention. “And it’s appreciated.”

“Good, because I can’t imagine my future without you in it, April Stevens.”

Maybe it’s the way Sterling says it, like she really can’t imagine a time when they aren’t orbiting each other, that does it. Maybe it’s the fact that Sterling has all but confirmed that she’s willing to wait for April this time. Maybe it’s the thought of the two of them, dancing around each other, wasting even more time until they graduate and leave Willingham for good.

Or maybe she just really _really_ wants to kiss Sterling.

April practically lunges across to close the space between them, the water lapping over the sides as she finally gives in to the desire she buried all those months ago. She doesn’t even have time to adjust before Sterling wraps an arm around her waist pulling April into her lap eagerly meeting her lips. April sinks into the kiss melting at the feeling of Sterling’s lips pliant and warm under her own.

Sterling feels incredible and she smells exactly as good as April remembers. Memories did not do this feeling justice though.

Sterling’s hand slides down to her hip and April bites down harder than intended on Sterling’s bottom lip as Sterling’s fingers slip under the band of her swimsuit.

“God, April.” Sterling gasps, tilting her head back.

April takes the hint trailing kisses down her neck. She pays special attention to the spot behind Sterling’s ear. “No more waiting,” April breathes causing Sterling’s hips to jump. She shifts closer desperate to feel more and a half-broken moan escapes as Sterling’s hand slips further down clutching at her ass in response.

“But I was doing so, _oh_ —” Sterling’s eyes roll back when April trails a hand up her ribcage, fingers teasing at the edge of Sterling’s top brushing the curve of her breast. “I was doing so well.”

April smirks against the curve of Sterling’s jaw as she replies, “You did. You did so well, Sterling.”

“ _Fuck_.”

April could do this forever. Sterling writhing beneath her – so responsive to her touch, to her words – is intoxicating. Why did they ever stop doing this?

“Wait—” Sterling’s hands cradle April’s jaw pulling her away from the path she was making down Sterling’s chest leaving bruising kisses along the curve of her breast, “Wait, April, we should stop.”

Her words sink like lead into the pit of April’s stomach and she can’t climb off of Sterling fast enough. What is she doing? How could she have read this so wrong? Sterling doesn’t want her. God, Sterling was _just_ talking about how important their friendship is to her.

April had thought that after today— well, it doesn’t matter what she thought. She was clearly wrong. She saw what she wanted to see – took what she wanted from Sterling – and ruined any chance they had. For good this time.

It’s that final thought that has her scrambling out of the hot tub, tossing apologies back like grenades as she races back to her room. She can hear Sterling calling after her, but the last thing she wants is to see the look on Sterling’s face right now. She can imagine the disappointment just fine on her own.

She locks herself in her room heading straight for the bathroom to change into sweatpants and a t-shirt. She doesn’t even bother picking up her swimsuit, too embarrassed to look at it right now.

Curling up on the bed she considers texting Hannah B. before dismissing the thought. What would she say anyways? _Sorry to bother you, but I kissed Sterling and now I have to transfer schools_.

She barely has time to pull the covers over her head, desperate to block tonight and the rest of the world out, when she hears tapping on the double doors. Peeking out, she can see Sterling in just a t-shirt and sleep shorts standing outside. April contemplates acting like she didn’t hear anything, but it’s freezing out and Sterling doesn’t appear to be leaving despite the fact that she’s shivering noticeably.

April lets her in only waiting to lock the door before she rounds the bed putting as many physical barriers between them as possible. She wants to know what Sterling could possibly be thinking coming over here like this, but that would mean actually looking at Sterling and she can’t bring herself to do that.

She opts to just ask her outright. “What do you want, Sterling?” It comes out harsher than she intended, but she’s never liked being backed into a corner.

“I don’t know, maybe an explanation!”

April takes another step back at the ferocity of Sterling’s outburst. “What do you want me to say?” Her throat closes as she forces out, “I made a mistake, okay.”

“A mistake?”

“We were talking about our past and I acted impulsively. It won’t happen again.”

Sterling shakes her head at April’s excuse, eyes narrowed as she studies her. April wonders what she sees.

“Is that really all it was? An impulse? Because I don’t believe that and I don’t think you do either. I know you, April. You’re the most thorough person I know. You wouldn’t do something like that without thinking it through.”

“Just stop. Please.” April squeezes her eyes shut holding back the tears threatening to escape. She doesn’t need to hear what else Sterling thinks of her right now. There’s a few seconds of shuffling and then suddenly Sterling’s floral scent surrounds her. Her eyes fly open and she stumbles nearly clipping the dresser with her hip as her back hits the wall.

Sterling leans back in response giving April some much needed breathing room. Running a hand through her still damp hair, Sterling sighs in frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pressure you,” her shoulders slump, “but I’m also pretty confused right now. I mean, you kiss me like that and then you say it didn’t mean anything so—”

“I never said that.”

“What?”

“I never said it didn’t mean anything.”

“But you said it was a mistake?”

Sterling looks so lost and April’s so tired of lying. She thought she could get through this with half-truths – walk the fine line between diplomacy and disaster – but she can’t let it end like this.

She squares her shoulders, determined to maintain some composure in the face of sure humiliation. “Kissing you _was_ a mistake, Sterling, precisely because it means so much to me when it clearly doesn’t mean the same to you.” All she can hear is the rush of her heartbeat pounding in her ears. There’s no going back now. “I know that’s not the explanation you were hoping for, but I can’t pretend anymore and I’m—”.

Sterling kisses her.

Sterling’s _still_ kissing her.

April’s chest breaks open and her hands reach out for something to cling to as she rides wave after wave of relief. She grasps at the back of Sterling’s shirt anchoring herself in the familiar feeling of Sterling’s body against hers.

April nearly whines when Sterling pulls back this time. Sterling traces her pout with a finger, an awestruck grin stretched across her face. When Sterling dives back in once more to suck on her lower lip, April feels like she’s going to combust. A few minutes of glorious distraction pass before April remembers she doesn’t actually know what this means.

Separating is hard, but she musters up the will long enough to meet Sterling’s heated gaze. “Does this mean you’re not upset?”

She can feel every inch of Sterling’s laugh in the way they’re still pressed together. God, she’s missed this.

“I’m definitely not upset.” Sterling tucks a few unruly hairs behind April’s ear seemingly content to stay as close as possible. “I’ve been waiting for you to do that since my first day at the library.”

“That was in June!”

“I told you, I was trying to be patient!”

April can barely process what she’s hearing. Did Sterling really want her back this whole time? Could she be this lucky?

“You know nothing has changed though,” April counters. “I’m still not out to my mom or at school and I have no intention of changing that before graduation. And that’s another thing. graduation is coming up and we never discussed—”.

“April,” Sterling cocks her head to the side in a way that would be cute if April weren’t working herself up to a major meltdown. “I don’t care about any of that. Well, I care about graduation, but only in the sense that it’s happening and then we’ll both be out of this town where we can explore this together. As for whether we’re out or not, that doesn’t matter to me. I know I didn’t respect your choice before and I can’t apologize enough for that, but I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve grown since then.”

Sterling pulls on her arms until they’re sitting on the bed side by side. “I hope you know me well enough to know I mean it when I say I’m willing to wait for you, for as long as you need. I just want you, April.”

“You’re not the only one who has regrets about that night.” April reaches out to take Sterling’s hand from where it rests on the comforter, rubbing a thumb over her knuckles. “I’ve wanted to take it all back so many times since then.”

I don’t want that,” Sterling protests. “It hurt like crazy, but it’s an important part of our story.”

“Our story, huh?” April tries not to get her hopes up, but any resistance she had was lost the second Sterling said she wanted her.

“Our story,” Sterling confirms. “It’s a real page-turner too, but I do have one complaint.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s not finished,” Sterling whispers leaning in until she’s a breath away. She waits, leaving it up to April to make the next move.

She doesn’t hesitate to make it.

\---

Hannah B. never does come back to their room. April learns the next day when they’re all gathered waiting for the bus that she opted to stay in Blair’s room just in case. Something that April is eternally grateful for when she thinks about last night and how nice it felt being wrapped up with Sterling under the covers. Her thoughts drift back to what her friend said the other night as she slips her hand into Sterling’s where it rests on the seat.

Maybe it’s not that complicated after all.


End file.
